MST3K Rolling Rating Scheme

This post should be updated quite often, with each new Mystery Science Theater 3000 I see. If you haven’t seen any of them, you really should. The premise is you have three guys who make wisecracks at bad movies.

Key:

E = Excellent (would watch again at drop of a hat)

G = Good (would watch again and suggest it to other people)

O = Okay (might watch again)

B = Bad (won’t watch again)

H = Horrible or Unwatchable (might have had to stop a time or two while watching, or just stop)

Jack Frost E
World of Batwoman H
Operation Double 007 B
Girlstown E
This Island Earth G
Deathstalker G
Final Sacrifice G
Space Mutiny G
Hamlet G
Horror of Party Beach B
Mitchell G
Master Ninja I G
Earth vs the Spider B
Manos the Hand of Fate B
Soultaker G
Zombie Nightmare E
Attack of the Killer Shrews B
Sinister Urge G
Viking Women O
Santa Claus H
Night of the Blood Beast O
Hobgoblins B
Master Ninja II O
Rebel Set O
Viking Women O
Attack of the Giant Leeches O
Castle of Fu Manchu B
Indestructible Man B

Sidehackers O

Quest of the Delta Knights G

The Screaming Skull O

The Deadly Bees O

The Space Children O

Rise of Evil (Part 3) – The Duel

Deneamus was enraged by Asaís’s death sentence. He knew Kerithen added poison to the lipstick, but could not prove it to the court. Deneamus stormed out of Vokra’s court promising revenge. What no one expected was the magnitude and suddenness of the promise. After the other gods left, Deneamus sent the shade army Asaís created for him to Vokra’s court. Vokra was the king of gods because he could take any other gods’ powers. With Deneamus controlling the army of shadows from his own plane, Vokra could steal nothing but the death and undead magic keeping the shades together. Vokra instead readied his mace and shield and fought off the legion of shades. After days of fighting without help from any allies, Vokra was exhausted and had no sources to draw power from. Only a handful of shades remained, but Vokra was mortally wounded from the fighting. He transferred in full his powers to his greatest paladin, Ravon. After doing this, he was slain by the last shade in existence, the former Asaís who had placed a spell upon herself. The death created an reverberation in the souls of all the gods. Never feeling this before, they rushed to the scene of the shock.
Deneamus was the first to reach Vokra’s corpse, coming with the intention to whisk away Asaís and steal Vokra’s power. He was incredibly incensed when he found there was no powers left to take. The rest of the Pantheon saw his rage and Asaís’s shadow and knew that Deneamus had been behind this death and that of the Keeper.
War then challenged Deneamus to one-on-one combat at the spot of Vokra’s death. Deneamus accepted the challenge as proof of his innocence. For if he was fighting Vokra at the time, he would have lost many of his powers and would fall easily to War’s sword. The rest of the gods formed a circle around the combatants and Deneamus and War squared off against one another.
Only a slight moment passed where they stood in stance against each other. War wished to end this quickly and charged at Deneamus. War’s sword was at his side and began a lethal horizontal stroke. Before War could even get his swing halfway through, Deneamus had already cut War through with a vicious vertical stroke. War stood there for a small moment, then his two halves split and fell. The halves looked to be falling towards Qwore and Volos. Kherithen then pushed Qwore out of the way on his side of the crowd. Eremore, sensing her brother’s intentions, pushed Volos out of the way on her side of the fray. So now when the body fell, Kerithen received one half and Eremore received the other.
None of the assembled gods thought to challenge Deneamus now, seeing him dispatch the best fighter of the gods without even a scratch. They ran as fast as they could in abject fear. It was now that the four elements decided that they would need to do something to restore the balance.

Culture – Mesara

Mesara is a region of Gidi Anar comprised of a number of independent city states. Not bound together by racial xenophobia, conquering generals, or religious convictions, the city states have tenuous cease-fires at most times, and skirmishes quite often.
No denizen in the region will label themselves a Mesaran, they will announce which duchy, city, or sovereign nation they associate themselves with. The term Mesara was coined in the Terahell Wars after the first rise of evil. Three generals from the region signed a treaty and a three lead a sizeable force taken fairly from all the cities in the area. The three generals Mathis, Sangen, and Tamera were all experienced from innumerable skirmishes between city-states back home and led their armies to great success on the battlefield. From this their armies’ name was shortened to the MeSaRa army. Soldiers not from the area soon began to know of the army and the region coming from it as simply Mesara.
Geographically, Mesara is an interspercement of plains and forests, but a large majority of the land is cultivated and the population density of Mesara is second only to eastern Sune. Mountains exist on the northern border near Tyr, and the land dries up near Bajud. Trade is universal between city-states, with wide varieties up for demand.
Each city-state has it’s own racial mix, and while the majority are human, Mesaran cities have the most diversity by far. Only a few xenophobic duchies remain, with independent dwarven states in the Tyran hills, an Elven/Half-Elven port town on the west coast, and a Kivan monastery near Bajud. Uncontested lands in Mesara exist, but most are either resourceless or the creatures inhabiting the lands are too dangerous.
Recently, a particularly strong state in Mesara is growing in strength and size. Backed secretly by the Akran state, Mathûn has carved out a sizeable portion of Mesara and is training a large army. Whether it will be used to unite Mesara, control the seas, or invade somewhere else remains to be seen.

Mythology – Rise of Evil (Part 2) – Asais

Of Deneamus’s followers, there was one who stood out above the rest. The daughter of Raera and a mortal woman, this sorceress was the most powerful magician in all the known lands. In these times it was not entirely unheard of for gods to produce children with mortals, but that has since been banned by the elements. As with Mokuran and dragons, many illegitimate children were claimed to be half-gods.
Asaís’s abilities left no doubt as to her origin, she possessed a skill in magic only bested by the gods. In her service to Deneamus, Deneamus revealed to her how to become immortal. In return, she was to stay loyal to Denamus after ascension. The good gods (Eremore, Kivan, Kasde, and Volos) caught word of Asaís’s deal with Deneamus and protested to Vokra to prevent Asaís becoming a minor goddess. Vokra, still hurt by the loss of his wife to the last time the good gods were in power, denied their initial claims. The good gods then sent a strike force of three legendary mortals to stop and kill Asaís before she was able to complete the spells to travel to the immortals’ plane. The strike force defeated many of Denamus’ and Asaís’ minions and traveled far into the wastelands northeast of the Windsweep Mountains. Long before this quest this land was the burial ground of the millions killed at the end of the loss of innocence, but the adventurers nor any other mortal not a priest of the Keeper of the Dead knew that.
The adventurers reached a giant palace made of Anaran bone, it’s location now lost in time. Upon entering, they saw Asaís standing before a portal, the one she would pass through to complete her deification once it was sufficiently prepared. Asais was still marking runes on the bones comprising the frame, seeming to be halfway done. The adventurers rushed the palace, but a legion of undead sprang from the floor itself, hindering the crusaders. They had no trouble destroying them, but for each that was slain, another took it’s place. As the Crusaders of Good tarried, Asais finished the final preparations and cast the spells upon the portal of bone. Through it she stepped and stood before the four elements. They deemed that since she passed through a portal of bone and used undead to ensure her ascendency, she would be the minor goddess of undeath. With that she was whisked away to the plane of immortals with her new powers. She gave her legion of undead facing the crusaders significantly more power, and they soon overwhelmed the band of three. The adventurers were maimed and knocked unconscious. Asaís’s mortal disciples swarmed them and replaced their blood with a magical embalming fluid, killing them and immediately bringing them to undeath and serving Asaís directly. Asaís now had a tool with which to directly affect the world, and a legion of undead to back them.
Vokra allowed Asaís an unusual amount of power, for her minor god status, so incensed he was with the good gods’ attempt to directly disobey his orders. The good gods immediately shunned her, and convinced many Neutral gods to shun her as well, bringing to light her first act as goddess to enslave three noble warriors with the curse of undeath. Even Kerithen shunned her, his excuse being he needed to keep Lamerie on his good side, although many believe that Kerithen honestly was abhorred by the notion of undeath.
Asaís soon became Deneamus’s lover as she was dedicated to him before immortality and still loved him now that they were closer to equals. Deneamus still lusted for more power, despite Asaís’s contention. After what seemed a perfectly happy get-together, Asaís left the power hungry God of Shadow. She was consoled by the Keeper of the Dead, a somber and melancholy man. Asaís whispered into his ear that she really wanted godhood to meet the Keeper, and she wanted to cheer up the God of Death who kept with his thankless job.
The God of Death, confused by love that had never struck him before, went along with Asaís and soon fell in love with her too. Death and Undeath stayed together for quite a while. But Asaís’s love was actually a deception to give herself access to the realm of the dead. Behind the Keeper’s back, Deneamus was slowly converting the souls in the Land of the Dead while Asaís kept the Keeper at arm’s length. These souls were slowly becoming shades, twisted souls who would serve only Asaís and Deneamus. After some time, the gods’ reckoning of time being far different from our own, and they cared little for it’s passing as it didn’t mark anything for them, all the souls in the Land of the Dead had been converted to shades. The Keeper of the Dead felt a large pang as all of his charge suddenly disappeared from his land. He fought himself out of Asaís’s arms, and rushed to his land. Asais brought her three undead crusaders from the mortal plane to the land of the dead and they attacked the Keeper of the Dead with the army of shades behind their backs. Death was able to kill the crusaders and flee the hordes of his twisted followers, but was severely wounded in the fight. He fled back to his bedchambers where Asais was waiting. She kissed all his wounds then passionately kissed him on the cheeks. At the end of the kiss, the Keeper slumped over and died. Asaís screamed and dropped him, and Deneamus scooped up Death’s corpse, gaining for himself the dominion of Death.
Eremore inspected the powerless corpse upon the knowledge of the Keeper’s death. She found that poison had been applied onto the lipstick and it’s effects were enough to slay the wounded god. Asaís was quickly brought to trial before Vokra. Since no one’s fingerprints were on the Keeper’s death but Asaís’s, she was stripped of her immortality and domain and placed in a chest and dropped into the sea between Mesara and Ishinal.

A Thanks…

As of now I’ve completely forgotten to mention the others who have helped this world come together.
The first and greatest thanks goes to Jason Graham, my partner in crime in creating the world. He created Deneamus and I’ve had my hands full creating a character that fits with Jason’s view of the god of evil. Jason also collaborated a lot with me and sparked my imagination instead of criticizing it. The name Elethius is solely his, being attached to a Blacktooth dragon, but it was a name that we flung around for a seemingly temporary character and I put it on my Lightning Elementalist. My claim now is that Elethius the elf is named after the legendary blacktooth dragon, much like there is a Trasc the 2nd who is a legendary swordsman during the century war. I extend to Jason any IP from this site or my brain if he needs it, but the guy is so freaking creative I’m afraid he never will.
Jason was also part of my Odyssey of the Mind group in Middle School and High School, and those guys and I held many impromptu roleplaying sessions, often tongue in cheek and involving the characters death less than 30 minutes after creation in a blaze of glory. These sessions sealed the Terahell, Demihell, and Pentahell and their heirarchy, as well as significantly improved ability to storytell on the fly.
Mike Beyer, James Hines, Drew Beyer, and Pat Carroll were the other members of team OM, and even though they all had different approaches, I know I have a lot of stories from all them and a much deeper understanding of my own world.
Jarnigan Cook was the guy who introduced me to fantasy and role playing games, which definitely had a part in telling me the stories already told and pushing my imagination to tell those kinds of stories.
Lindsay Orndorff was the beginning of the new wave of inspiration. She pushed me to turn the story/world into a webcomic, and convinced me to take a second look at the world, especially as a setting for a good story. This was a huge push as it forced me to think of things in concrete terms that others could interact with. The comic never took off, but my overactive imagination, as always, did. Lindsay joined Bryce Bullock and Arthur Rudnick and a shitload of others in the Dungeons and Dragons campaign that had a good start, but died after dead week of fall quarter.
Lastly, I’d like to thank anyone who reads this and gives me suggestions on what I am missing or any errors (grammatical or continuity) that occur.

Mythology – Rise of Evil (Part One)

After the great famine that came with Jalahith’s death, the powers of good no longer held the mortals in check. Wars raged, entire towns starved, and shadows of evil crossed mens minds. The evil gods were given an incredible amount of power over which to hold dominion over for a period of about 10 years. After the dust settled and the land could sustain those who still walked upon it, millions of skeletal remains crowded the landscape of Gidi Anar. The Keeper of the Dead instructed his priests to start a crusade. All skeletons in Gidi Anar were to be moved to a desolate land northeast of the Windsweep Mountains. All mortals then were to consider this all the burial and mourning of those they knew and move on with their lives. The mortals heeded death’s words, and went back to their lives, now living in balance.
The evil gods, loving their short reign of power, lusted for more. Deneamus and Kerithen conspired to bring about a rise in evil, and to bring in other gods into the plan only to betray them.
Kerithen first began by using his charm and cunning to bed Lamerie and have her in his charms. As he gained her trust and love, he asked for a favor of increasing the fertility rate of his Ishín elves, as they could not survive against the Qwirim, Terahells, and Orcs on the Irik continent much longer otherwise. Lamerie was swayed by his cool words and did as he asked, as well as making the dark elves more susceptible to love. Kerithen then sent the message to his priests to make a looser moral code allow for the Ishín to act upon the divine changes. With Ishín’s slaves working the fields, the elves had plenty of time to raise the new wave of young. The Ishín birth rate soon came close to humanity’s.
Meanwhile, Deneamus in his Jungle of Lotuses began creating new races to spread evil around the world. His first creation were Terahells, or so the humans that met them called them, for they seemed to be hell on earth, especially in the hordes encountered in the Jungle.
Terahells stand six feet tall, and are covered in natty brown hair. Bipedal, but standing on cloven-hooved legs, they are barrel chested and weigh 275-300 pounds. Their faces look like the a sick cross between a bears and a wolves, with only the slightest glint of intelligence in their black eyes. Rams horns sprout from the side of their head and are often used them in charging maneuvers Three fingers and a mostly opposable thumb allowed Terahells to wield weapons and wear armor. They were Deneamus’s grunt soldiers, with brains useless for much more than fighting, charging, and eating. Terahells are asexual and naturally sterile, since Deneamus didn’t have enough skill to create reproductive systems yet.
The Terahells were horrible for military maneuvers other than to release a horde upon unsuspecting citizenry, as they normally just killed to eat their fill. Deneamus then created a more fierce, menacing, and vile version of the Terahell. They stand between 7 and 8 feet tall, weigh between 400 and 600 pounds, and are covered in black hair. Otherwise, they are similar to Terahells in form. Demihells have fully functioning sexual organs, but all Demihells are male. They carry inside them the genetic makeup for a Terahell when mixed with Human or Orcish blood. Unfortunate captives of Demihells are often kept in a state of reduced consciousness until they bring the Terahell to term, then impregnated again by a Demihell. Heavy resisters would have their minds destroyed by compulsion or torture, but willing females could stay conscious throughout the whole process (although only the truly committed followers of Deneamus agreed to this). It was twists like this to the normal reproductive cycle that Deneamus is often proved to be more evil than his compatriots.
In addition to Demihells controlling hordes of Terahells, followers of Deneamus sufficiently powerful also controlled squads of Terahells. Those without any magical powers were often called Captains of the Lotus, and were not especially known for anything other than their martial prowess, for many captains have had to kill hungry Terahells in the middle of the night or cruelly kill Terahells with their bare hands to show that other Terahells shouldn’t try any nighttime tricks. Evil Paladins, occasionally called Shadowguard or Darkplates, would wear a black suit of armor forged in the Jungle of Lotuses, occasionally led squads of Terahells or occasionally some Demihells. More often they went individually or led human followers of Denamus.
Mages and Priests allied with Deneamus were often the most deadly, as they could summon Terahells and sometimes Demihells from Deneamus’s plane of existence and have their army grow in that way. Their magic also kept the Terahells in check far better than the fear any Captain could muster into his troops.
This slow buildup of followers of Kerithen and Deneamus went on for almost a thousand years without the intervention of Vokra or the good deities, until things began to get interesting…

Culture – Mokuran

Mokuran was populated with humans long before recorded human history begun. Elvish tales say the dragons brought humans from Gidi Anar to Moke Anar, but the dragons prevented the elves from setting foot on Moke Anar in those times, so the reasons behind the dragon’s move is left to speculation.
Mokuran anthropology and ancient art shows heavy influence from dragons. Old tales of human kings and great warriors are often said of breathing fire, having vestigal wings, or scaled forearms. Some art shows peasants giving large amounts of food and riches to great, imposing figures whose form is often obscured in the art. Current art in all it’s forms is infused with dragons. Tricksters, mystical figures, and villains in Mokuran drama are often revealed to be dragons before the play is through.
Despite all these influences and pervasiveness of the culture, the vast majority of dragon sightings are of dubious reliability. Women impregnated out of wedlock are always sure the father is a dragon. Fields or houses burned due to negligence are quick to blame the dragons. Stony mountaintops none dare venture up will always contain the dragon’s lair, if one only looks hard enough. Any history of the dragons living in Mokuran was most likely destroyed during the famines and wars of the loss of innocence.
Mokuran is currently ruled by a high emperor, who is the descendant of the general who united Mokuran in the age between the loss of innocence and the first rise of evil. He lives in the imperial city, which is guarded by the royal guard, supposedly to protect the citizens from the dragons inside who talk to and inspire the high emperor.
Mokuran is under constant attack from Ulusht Orcs and occasionally Dark Elven or Human pirates. This has forced all non-military cities to be pushed inward and as such Mokurans don’t trust or trade much with other civilizations.

Culture – Ulusht

Ulusht is still a largely uncivilized land, populated by tribes of various races that can survive the cold. Orcs roam the entirety of it, but these aren’t the cultured denizens of Chol’Gatha, but cruel gangs that will pirate anything on the open seas or raid any settlements not militarily guarded.

Krom is worshipped as the god of the hunt, both for hunting game and the twisted fact that finding civilians to loot is also referred to as the hunt. Animalistic Shamanism is also very popular, oftentimes incorporating Krom as a large orc or an invincible elk inside the horde of spirits that incorporate the shaman’s world.

Culture – Selen

The Elves of Selen are a arrogant bunch of bastards, but they believe they have the right: their academies are the best in the world, and their arts are incomparable. Even warfare is conducted with grace and superiority, as their skyhawk riders will swoop down majestically upon their enemies while the rest of the force will often pepper the opposition with arrows, rarely deigning to enter hand-to-hand combat against other brutes. These tactics have allowed a fairly small number of elves (1/5 the population of Sune) to hold the second largest nation in Racen.
Selenians are extremely territorial and do not let many enter their nation unimpeded. The cities of Lumerin and Firen Calas are two major exceptions to this rule, allowing other races to permanently settle in. There are some trading border cities that other races may enter, allowing ground trade with Akra, Bajud, and Sune; however, permanent residence is rarely granted to the traders and wandering beyond the trade cities is not allowed.  Academics and magicians are also allowed to relocate to Selen, to learn at the academies in Seliste and Raera Abriel. Artists are also allowed into the nation, to practice their trade in Lumerin or Seliste. However, all immigrants must stay in Selen and contribute to Selenian culture, otherwise they are killed or exiled to Ishinal, where the Selenians believe they will be enslaved or tortured by their cruel cousins.
Arts in Selen focus on the beauty of nature. Sculptures are often wooden or guided growth (like Bonsai). Paintings are often landscapes, occasionally being portraits of plants and aninals. Live art in Selen is a dreary affair for humans, with all plays having to follow very structured dialog rules and all music following practiced chord progressions and an established theory of music. To the elves this is more of a filter to make sure dwarven drinking songs and dancing harlots don’t become the definition of culture.
Selenian culture has been the definition of high culture on Anar for all time, and the Elves’ high court dress, whether in Selen, Lumerin, or abroad is guaranteed to be copied by Mesarans and Sunetians as soon as the tailors can get needle to thread. Selenian military tactics, on the other hand, are often considered unorthodox or impractical for non-Selenian territory, especially training giant birds for an aerial calvalry.
Selen as a territory is oftentimes a deep forest, to which many Selenians grow grapes on many of the trees. These grapes are used for both wine and food, as the elves love the fruit symbolizing their patron god, Eremore. Plenty of traps are set in the forests for birds and small mammals to consume. Farming isn’t very popular in Selen as the forests can provide almost everything needed for the population, and Selenians are hesitant to cut down their forests.
Religion in Selen is majorly in reverence of Eremore, patron of High Elves and goddess of wisdom. Spears and grapes appear in many elven themes, as these are symbols of Eremore. Ditemus the forest goddess is also highly worshipped, despite her exile. Kivan, Raera, and Lamerie are often paid tribute but never as a primary god.

Culture – Chol’Gatha

While the Orcish tribes of Ulusht are many and varied, they are not a unified nation. Chol’gatha forced itself to unity after the Ishín landed on the Irik peninsula and began enslaving Orcs. Two great tribes joined together and recruited other tribes for a counterattack on the Dark Elves. The attack failed and the tribal confederacy snuck back into the mountains. Klim Tog, carrying the banner of Axes with his tribe, joined and led the confederacy, giving the orcs a leadership structure.
The Orcs fought the Dark Elves once more, raiding rural outlands and freeing many enslaved Orcs in the process. The Ishín regrouped and sent full military force. The Orcs fought off the Ishín better than before, but were ultimately defeated. They fled to the southern tip of the continent with many rescued slaves. There Klim Tog formed a new society and the army under the Banner of Axes unified all the tribes in the southern part of the Irik continent. When all the Orcs united themselves under the Banner of Axes, Klim began forming a society and civilizing the Orcs, since peace had finally been found for the race.
The Orcs then accepted other races into their society. Goblins, Trolls, and barbaric Humans were inducted into Chol’Gath society. The society is very basic now, and regions are still governed by tribesmasters. However, the city Banner of Axes is a true city, in the style of eastern Sune, housing the army of Chol’gatha and the original banner of axes still flies above the city.
Most Orcs are hunters or raise animals for food. Pigs and wheat are staples, with small mammals being delicacies. The main religion is that of Krom, the patron god of Orcs. Many also believe in a spirit worship that many tribes practiced back in the old times. Klim Tog, although thousands of years dead, is still revered as a holy figure, some saying he was an avatar of Krom.